the favor
by kristy87
Summary: Someone is visiting Grissom, what doesn't let him any other chance but asking Sara for a favor ...new WIP : chap 14 is up now
1. Chapter 1

disclaimer: I do not own CSI, I only play with the characters, because I love to play with them : )

short info: I already wrote a story based on the same plot. But that was almost a year ago and calling my english and writing skillsa torture back then was an understatement. So I decided to re-write this story. It had never been posted on but had been available on my homepage for a couple of months. I changed a lot of things, but please don't think that I stole the storyline from somewhere. At least I do only know about this one old fiction written by me that had a similar plot, if there are others excisting, I'm sorry for that.

So what is going to happen in here? This is going to be a piece in that you will be able to find really almost everything. It will be funny and serious, happy and sad, cheerful and angsty...

summary: Grissom's mother comes to Vegas, unexpected...and now Grissom has to deal with something he hoped he would never have to deal with...but he is not the only one who has to deal with a lot of things.

AN: For those who do know me...yes, I couldn't help it...I needed to write about this time of the year.

okay now lets finally start with the story...

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**the favor**

chapter 1

Sara slowly walked through the hallway, she had just closed her case and was now heading to the break room to get a coffee. Suddenly a woman in Grissom's office caught her attention. Sara stopped for a second, wondering what this woman was doing in there. She observed the woman, hoping she wouldn't get caught by anyone by doing so.

The woman sat on one of the chairs in front of Grissom's desk, she just sat there not really doing anything, but then she stood up, walking through the room, taking a close look on some of Grissom's butterflies, bugs and other insects in glasses and frames.

Sara wondered if Grissom actually knew that this woman was waiting in his office. The one minute that Sara had planned to watch that woman had turned into 10 already, and Grissom hadn't shown up so far. Sara knew that he had been at a new crime scene in Henderson for the first half of the shift and she didn't know if he had returned yet.

She decided to disrupt that woman from what she was doing.

Sara knocked on the door and entered. The woman didn't react. Sara cleared her throat. No reaction. "Miss, can I help you somehow?", Sara asked softly. Again, no reaction. "Hello? Ma'am can I help you somehow? Dr. Grissom is not at the lab at the moment and…"

The woman didn't even turn around.

Sara sighed, slowly walking over to her. Sara leaned against the shelf, tilting her head to the right. "Can I help you?"

The woman's eyes widened. But she didn't say anything, she only raised her index finger, symbolising Sara to wait for a second.

Sara raised an eyebrow, wondering who this woman was, why wasn't she talking with her? Why didn't she react to her words?

The woman slowly scribbled something on a notepad and handed it to Sara.

_/I'm searching for my son, he's the nightshift supervisor. Could you please tell me where I can find him/_

This woman was Grissom's mother? Now when she knew it Sara could really see some similarities. It took her a while until she had picked up her courage again. "He…"_ No wait, she's deaf…I should have meditated that… _Sara took another pencil from Grissom's desk. _/As far as I know he's still at a crime scene, I will call him for you. Is there something that you want me to relay to him/_

Sara handed the pad over to Grissom's mother_. /Calling him would be really nice. Could you tell him that I will go to my hotel now? He can come over after shift and visit me there. I'm sleeping in the Bellagio./_

Sara nodded, she dialled Grissom's number and waited for him to answer the call. Nothing. His mother looked at her, big blue eyes, friendly eyes… Sara softly smiled at her. _/He doesn't answer his cell…I will call him again later. Do you want me to bring you to your hotel? I'm on brake, I think he wouldn't want you to go there by cab./ _Sara offered.

Grissom's mother smiled back brightly. _/Thanks a lot, that would be really kind. My name is Gretchen by the way./_

Sara grinned softly. _/I'm Sara./_

_/Sidle/_

_Huh? How does she know that? Grissom didn't tell her about me, did he?_ Sara nodded softly, when she realized that Gretchen Grissom was throwing an asking loot at her.

Gretchen smiled even brighter. And Sara wondered why. But she didn't ask. She signalised Grissom's mother to follow her to the parking lot.

DURING the ride Sara wondered if Grissom did actually know that his mother was in Vegas, because if he would know, why was his mother sleeping in a hotel? Sara didn't know a lot about dealing with family visits, the only time that her mother had ever visited her home was almost 13 years ago when she had still been living in San Francisco, her brother had never visited her, according to the fact that he had also been living in San Francisco …and he still hadn't visited her in Vegas. But she knew, that if he or her mother would visit her, even if their relationships weren't the bests, she would at least offer them that they could stay at her apartment for a couple of nights…and Grissom had a house, and it wasn't that small at all, he must have a guestroom. So why was his mother sleeping at the hotel? Especially at this time of the year, when most families were close together, loved it to be together, were preparing their celebrations together…

Sara hadn't celebrated Christmas with her relatives since she had left home for college...and what they had done at Christmas had never really deserved to be called a celebration. It had never been the way that other families had celebrated Christmas. She could remember everything her friends in College had always told her about their parties, the dinner parties, where all the family members, even the great grandmothers, usually more than 15 people sometimes up to 30, were coming to and they had fun and on the next morning they were all giving their presents to each other…Sara didn't even know the name of any of her relatives except for her parents and her brother.

Sara felt a strange feeling rising up in her stomach, she had always tried to push these thoughts away, had always told herself not to think about the Christmas that other families celebrated, had always told herself that she didn't need all this bits and pieces, that there wasn't the need for a special day in the year where people were staying with their loved ones…when people wanted to be together they could do that on every day of the year…why was this day so special for so many people?

For Sara this day had meant, staying in her dorm at college, each year pretending that something else had happened in her family…once she had told her roommate that her parents were in Europe, celebrating in Genf with some of their rich friends…Sara had never told anyone the truth about her family. And she hadn't told anyone that she just hadn't been able to afford the money for the flight, she hadn't told anyone that her mother didn't have money to visit her because she always invested it into alcohol…

And still today, for Sara, Christmas meant working double shifts at the lab because every shift was short staffed and everyone was thankful for every helping hand.

Sara was grateful when they had finally reached the hotel. Finally she could distract herself from those thoughts. She stopped near to the entrance, leaving the car to open the door for Gretchen. She helped her out and escorted her to the entrance.

_/Do you already have a room/_ She scribbled on the notepad.

Gretchen nodded. _/Thanks for taking me here./_

Sara smiled brightly. _/Have a nice day in Vegas. I'll tell Gil that you are here. In case that we're not meeting again before, merry Christmas./_

_/I'm sure we will meet again before. I'm really glad that my son finally found such a wonderful woman to share his life with./_ Gretchen wrote down, handing the notepad over to Sara, smiling friendly.

_HUH?_ Sara threw an asking look at her.

SARA hadn't been able to get it out of her head, the whole ride back to the lab one question was haunting her. What had Grissom told his mother?

Her feet couldn't get her fast enough to his office. She prayed that he was finally back at the lab. But he wasn't in his office. Sara felt as if she would explode, there was a question that she needed to ask him, a question to which she needed to know the answer_, now_.

And then she could hear his voice in the hallway. She waited. Waited impatiently. When he had finally reached her she grabbed his arm and dragged him into his office, closing the door behind them.

The expression on his face showed how astonished he was about her sudden actions. He opened his mouth to say something, but before the words left his lips Sara had already broken the silence.

"Why does you mother think that I am your girlfriend?"

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**TBC**

okay, that was a short chapter, but I do prefer writing short chapters, so I can update faster : ) and according to the fact that I am now writing two WIP it's really better to write short chaps, so I can uodate both stories once or twice a week.


	2. Chapter 2

disclaimer: I do not own CSI

AN: second chapter: ) hee...I'll start writing chap 3 later today, I think I'll upload it on Monday. Last AN was long enough, let's start with the chap ; )

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chapter 2

Grissom swallowed hard. Sara waited for an answer. Impatiently. She stood there in-front of him, her arms folded in front of her chest. "Grissom?"

"I…Sara…I don't know what you mean."

"You don't?", she laughed out. "Oh sure you do! Grissom your mother was here. I didn't know who she was, ...and she was in your office, looking at all your stuff. So I walked in, I usually don't do this, but I knew that you were on that crime scene and I thought you wouldn't want a stranger in your office. So I asked her if I could help her. She asked me after you, I told her you weren't there. Then I drove her to her hotel, where she…wait.", Sara foraged her purse. "Here, _this_ was what she wrote!" she handed him a folded paper of the notepad.

With a shaking hand Grissom reached out for the note. Unfolding it slowly. He looked at it. Stared at it. Then stared back at Sara. She stared at him, waiting for an answer. "Sit down…please.", he said with the last power of his voice.

"No Grissom. I am _not_ going to sit down. I am…"

"Please let me explain it to you…"

"…explain it…oh yeah. I want to see _that_.", she said with an sarcastic undertone.

"How do you mean this?"

"Forget it."

"No, Sara…listen. Please. You have to listen to me now."

Sara noticed the panic in his voice. She bite down on her bottom lip, swallowed her anger and nodded. "Okay."

Grissom sat down on the edge of his desk. He took a deep breath, trying to rearrange his thoughts. "I have to start a couple of years ago…three to be precise. I had a conversation with my mother, about her wish to become grandmother. I told her that I would never become a father…and she said that there were also ways for gay people to become parents.", he made a pause.

Sara tried her best to not burst out laughing. She tried to avoid looking at him, bite down on her bottom lip and tried to think of something else…but she couldn't.

"That's not funny Sara.", Grissom said slightly desperate.

"Sorry.", she said, trying to calm down again. "Okay, go ahead."

Grissom sighed. "I tried my best to tell her that I'm not gay. But she didn't believe me. She told me that she'd know it since I'm 20…she said that she had figured my 'secret' out because I never introduced any of my girlfriends to her…Then I…and I don't know why I did it, I just…I don't know, I didn't want my mother to think that I am gay. And then I told her that there is a woman that I am interested in. And from this point on it ran out of hand. She beganto askme questions about her, all the time! And I had to explain why I wasn't with this woman…I told her that she had a boyfriend. But that didn't seem to be a problem for her…But I made clear to her that it was one for me. From then on I had thought that now everything would be okay."

"Why was it such a problem for you that your mother thought that you'd be gay? She seemed to accept it."

"Because she accepted it too much. She had already found 'the perfect guy' for me and wanted me to meet with him."

Sara broke out in laughter again. She didn't want to laugh but she just couldn't help it. Grissom was so desperate, and she felt bad for laughing about his situation, it was just the fact that something like this happened to _him_…she actually didn't know why it was that funny…

Grissom cleared his throat. "But then she got ill. Very ill and the doctor told me that she wouldn't make it. I visited her in the hospital…and she told me how much she had hoped that me and…", he swallowed hard. "…you…would get together. And how happy this would have made her."

"Why me? Grissom…"

Grissom shrugged. "I don't know. You were the first one I thought of."

Sara bite down on her bottom lip. "And then you told her that we'd be together? Because you wanted her to be happy."

Grissom nodded. "I thought she wouldn't make it…and that she would never find out. But then she got well again. As you could probably see she is still totally vital…but it was too late to tell her the truth…she was so happy. And I didn't want to break her heart. I was drawn into this lie…deeper and deeper…and now I am going to be punished for it. She is here…now I have to tell her the truth."

"_How_ deep have you been drawn into this lie?"

"Let's just say, the first thing that she's going to ask me is why you weren't wearing my grandmother's engagement ring."

Sara swallowed hard. "Oh my God, Grissom.", she slowly shook her head. "You're in deep sh…"

"…I know."

"Just be glad that you didn't tell her that you're engaged to Catherine. The whole lab would know tomorrow."

"You're not telling anyone, are you?", he asked worried.

She shook her head. "No. No…I'm not like that. I can imagine how…embarrassing this must be.", she said softly.

"It's more embarrassing since you seem to know that I'm embarrassed.", he confessed.

Sara nodded. "Your mother has booked a room at the Bellagio. You should clear it up unless you…"

"…unless what?"

"Nothing."

"Sara?", he paused andtook a deep breath."Can I ask you for a favor?"

"Yes."

He took a deep breath. "You planned to work for the next days, didn't you?"

"Yeah, double shifts. I figured the lab would be short staffed and…"

"…it's actually not. Greg and Sophia are also working double shifts, Warrick comes in for his usual shifts too…only Catherine and Nick took time off, and there are three more CSIs from day shift who will work double shifts…"

"…what are you trying to tell me with that?"

"How long did my mother say she'd stay?"

"I didn't ask.", Sara threw an asking look at him, then she realized what he wanted to ask. Her mouth dropped open. "You…Grissom…you do not honestly plan to include me into this lie, are you?"

"You're already part of it anyways."

"What?"

"You could have told her that you're not my girlfriend or fiancée or whatever."

"You're kidding, are you?"

"Please Sara."

Sara shook her head, unable to understand him. "You…Grissom this is insane!"

"I know. But I can't help it!"

"You _can_! You have to tell her the truth."

"It's going to break her heart Sara.", he sounded so desperate, Sara just couldn't help it…she wanted to help him. "Just for…three days. Then…we could try to…I mean, maybe she doesn't like you. And then she will ask me to leave you. And then I will leave you and she will be happy, and we do not have to lie anymore. Then everything is perfect."

"Not perfect…your problem is gone but…" _I can't believe he really means this!_

"Just a couple of days Sara…please."

Sara knew how hard it was for him to ask her for such a favor, what a huge overcoming this was for him, to tell her about this, to ask her to do this. For him it would mean to totally let her into his life, not only his house but they had to pretend to know everything about each other, and she knew that he was totally aware of this. _He must really love his mother…and this must really mean so much to her that he is really totally afraid to break her heart with telling her the truth!_

"I know that you don't lie, that you're an honest person…and it pains me that I have to ask you to lie for me. I'll make it all up, somehow, I promise Sara. It's not easy for me to ask you to do this and…", he looked at her, with such a desperate expression in his eyes that it squeezed her heart...

"Okay.", Sara sighed. "Okay, I will do this."

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TBC

thanks for all the nice reviews for the first chap : ) I hope you liked this chapt too...and I hope that you'll alsolike the next one: )


	3. Chapter 3

AN: ...I actually didn't want this chap to be "sad" or something like this...but my little brotheris in hospital since yesterday and they still don't know what's wrong with him, so I somehow was a little...I wouldn't say depressed...just not in the hyper fun mood. I promise the next chapter will be funny:)

Greets to **Alex**, **Meggie** and **Pip**: ) Thanks to you I am feeling so much better! I really don't want to know how depressed I'd be without you!

Summary: Sara is "moving in" ...when Grissom mentions that they have to buy a Christmas tree Sara reveals something about her past...

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chapter 3

Sara wiped the sweat from her forehead. "Grissom this is going to…Grissom? Where to hell are you?", she glanced around the living room. No trace of him. "Argh!"

She carefully stepped down from the back of the sofa, feeling much better when her feet were back on the ground. "Grissom?" It drove her crazy that he didn't seem to see any importance in answering her. "Grissom!"

"What?", he asked innocent, his voice coming out of the bedroom.

"I need your help with this."

"I actually see no reason why you're putting all this stuff in here. I mean, this is only going to take 3 or 4 days and you brought your whole apartment with you.", he said slowly walking over to her.

"You want your mother to believe you that you're living here with me, don't you?"

Grissom rolled with his eyes. "She doesn't know your stuff."

"But she knows all this stuff that every woman owns! Like…candles, pictures of human beings and not only butterflies and bugs and…whatever, insects. And…"

"Sara, calm down.", he said laughing softly.

"This is _not_ funny!"

"I should be the one who's totally overreacting and nervous, not you. Why are you taking this so serious."

Her mouth dropped open. "I am not overreacting! You asked me to do this for you…you said it would break your mother's heart if she would find out that you lied to her. And now you criticise me, because I am trying to give one hundred percent and…"

Grissom swallowed hard. "You…got a point there."

Now Sara rolled with her eyes, she sat down on the sofa, leaned back and closed her eyes. _How can a man be so…I can't even find a word for it…_

Grissom sat down next to her a couple of moments later. "I'm sorry.", he whispered.

A smile flashed over her lips. "Okay.", she said softly.

They remained in silence for a while, until Grissom began to speak again. "I'll pick Mom up at the hotel in two hours…we should maybe talk about some things before."

Sara opened her eyes again and turned to him. "Things?"

"Do you know my favorite meal?"

"You always pretend that it's a medium salad with strips of turkey breast, but in fact it's fillet steak gratinated with shrimps, carrots glazed with butter sauce and fried potatoes…"

"Howcan you know that?"

Sara shrugged. "I just know it…after all you're just a man…and once , when you wanted to order it, Cath said something about high cholesterol and then you ordered the salad, telling everyone how much you would love these salads. It was quite obvious to everyone that you were only pretending…"

"…what do you mean with 'after all you're just a man' ?"

Sara chuckled. "Let's not go down that route."

Grissom swallowed the words he wanted to say now, for a while he just sat there, looking at Sara.

She could feel his eyes on her, usually this made her nervous, usually she felt observed, felt more than uncomfortable because she always tried to be perfect in his eyes…and she knew that she wasn't…and always she feared that he would find out.

This time it was otherwise. Now she knew something about him. She knew that he, Gil Grissom, the man that had been on a pedestal for her for so long, was not perfect at all…though she still couldn't decide if lying to his mother about this whole relationship thing made him a better or a worse person. He lied to her because he loved her, because it made her happy…but on the other hand it was still a lie.

Sara wouldn't lie to her mother. But she didn't love her mother either.

"Damn.", Grissom suddenly whispered, leaving his seat, walking over to the kitchen counter where he had left his jacket.

"What's wrong?"

"We need a Christmas tree."

Sara raised an eyebrow.

"It's Christmas…we're celebrating Christmas together, like a family, we need a Christmas tree…"

"You didn't know your mother would show up, you can tell her that…"

"No I mean, you and me. Officially. I mean, she thinks we're a couple, living happily together. She expects happy couples to have a Christmas tree."

"I don't think that a happy relationship can be defined by the fact that couple has a Christmas tree on Christmas or not."

"For her, it can." He glanced around the room. "Have you seen my keys?"

She shook her head.

"You don't have any trimmings at home, do you?"

"Nope.", she said softly. She didn't know why this thing with the Christmas tree made her feel this weird, she couldn't help it. She couldn't stop this feeling that rose up in her…this feeling of sadness.

Grissom noticed that something wasn't right. He slowly walked over to her and sat down on the sofa once again. "Sara?…what's wrong?"

"Nothing.", she almost whispered.

"Did I do something wrong? I…I didn't mean the things I said, they were supposed to be funny. I can't express in words how thankful I am that you're doing this for me…and I know that we need this 'woman stuff' in here to make my mother believe that we're living in here together…"

"You didn't do anything wrong Grissom.", she said, staring down at her hands.

"What's wrong then?", he asked concerned.

"I didn't celebrate Christmas since I was five years old.", she said with such a sad tone in her voice that Grissom thought his heart would break right then. He felt as if there was nothing he could say. He couldn't tell her that Christmas was nothing special, he couldn't tell her that you didn't have to celebrate Christmas to be a happy family, he couldn't just tell her that it didn't matter. Because it _did _matter. It mattered to every little girl, every little boy…and someone had ignored that it mattered to her.

"When I was five my father started drinking…he spent most of the time in the pub, when he got home he fought with my mother, preferring to use his fists instead of words. My mother started drinking half a year later. My brother and I were too young to realize what was really going on. In the first year we just had no Christmas tree, Mom gave us some gifts, not much, I think it were sweets or something like this, I can't remember. The year after Dad hit my brother when he asked him after gifts, Dad said that we'd not celebrate this day anymore, it would be a waste of time and money…I remember my mother shouting at him, telling him that his alcohol addiction would be the bigger waste of time and moneythanChristmas. I didn't know what it meant, I only saw my mother running around with two black eyes and a broken nose for weeks afterwards. I never dared to ask neither her nor anyone else about the meaning of those words. I just accepted that after the holidays I was the only-one who had no new shoes, no new clothes, no new teddy bears or dolls…I accepted that…I accepted too much when I was a child, but back then I didn't know what it meant. I realized it when I was older, when I wasn't living with my family, if you can call it one, anymore…then I was in foster care…but that wasn't any better…most people were doing it for the money …and they weren't buying us any presents, they usually called a babysitter when they went out to celebrate Christmas with their relatives and left us alone at home. At least they didn't hit us, they didn't fight…and in college, I was always the only one who stayed there for the winter holidays, I was the only one who locked herself in the dorm with a couple of science books…", Sara had been staring on her hands all the time, now she turned her face to Grissom. She stopped talking for a moment, the feeling that rose up in her when she saw the heartbroken expression in his eyes overwhelmed her. "Hey…it's okay. I learned to deal with it. I learned to live with it. I always pretended that Christmas was just a usual day, just like every other day of the year. I…"

"It's not okay Sara.", Grissom said softly, sounding shocked.

Sara faked a smile, reaching up for his cheek. She softly caressed it with her thumb. "I'm okay."

"It's not fair that you had to go through such a hell.", he said, his hand reaching up to hers. He took her hand into his and squeezed it softly. "It's so unfair Sara."

"It was. But… I can't change the past.", she said and sighed. It hurt to see him like this. She didn't want him to feel pity for her, she didn't want him to be this shocked about her past…

"I admire your strength.", he said softly.

A soft smile flashed over her lips. "Let's go and buy a tree…and trimmings." She didn't know why she was changing the subject …on the one hand it felt better now when he knew about it, on the other hand her heart hurt, she had pushed all these thoughts away, had locked them out of her mind…now they were all coming back…

She knew she couldn't go on and pretend that all this had never happened, because now someone knew about it. Grissom knew about it. But somehow she could feel that he wouldn't let her go through this alone, somehow she felt that he would take care of her…maybe it had been the expression in his eyes, maybe it had been the way he had been holding her hand, the way he had been looking at her…she didn't know, maybe she would never find out what it was, so she decided to not try to do so, she would accept it. And if she'd be wrong then she'd accept it too.

For now all that count for her was that he held her hand while they left the house, while they searched for a tree, while they bought the trimmings, while they talked about all the things she needed to know about him before his mother would come to his house and they had to pretend to be happily engaged...he held her hand and this helped her to be strong.

* * *

TBC

hell I hope that this chap didn't suck as much as I think it does. I promise the next chap will finally bring Mrs.Grissom back into the story...and it will be funny! I promise!


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Sorry, I had planned to update earlier...but I ran out of diet coke yesterday and on thursday...and I _need _diet coke to be able towrite: (

this chap is a belated birthday present for **Meggie**: ) sorry, I had planned to have it up yesterday :huggggggz:

and thanks to **Alex **for helping me : )

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chapter 4

She wasn't allowed to be nervous. She just was _not _allowed to be nervous. But she couldn't help it. She knew that her hands were shaking, she knew that this had to stop before Grissom and his mother would be here, she did her best to calm down, but remembering what Grissom had told her made her even more nervous.

They would enter, his mother first, he following with his mother's luggage, she would welcome his mother, he would walk over to her and kiss her on her cheek, she would have to smile afterwards and then she would have to tell his mother that dinner would be ready soon, then he would bring the luggage over to the guest room, his mother hopefully following him, he would tell his mother to get some rest before dinner and she hopefully would.

The first few things weren't that difficult, it was the fact that he would kiss her that made her nervous, or better said the fact that she would have to pretend that it was normal that he kissed her, as if she was totally used to the feeling of his lips on her skin, as if this was really the most natural thing ever.

At this point she knew she'd be glad if she wouldn't immediately loose conscience…she knew she had to act totally naturally, but how could it be natural to her that Gil Grissom, the man she secretly loved for so long, would kiss her?

The closest he ever got near her before was when he kept her off from attacking a suspect years ago. Yes, he had held her hand for a couple of times now, but holding hands and being kissed on the cheek…_there's a world of difference between holding hands and kissing._

She would prefer to stay in the bedroom or in any other room of the house, so that Grissom could have pretended to search for her…and then they wouldn't have to kiss…but Sara didn't suggest this option, because actually she _wanted_ to be kissed.

The other problem was that she actually couldn't cook. Grissom had told her what exactly to do, he had prepared everything, the only thing she really had to do was checking on the time so that nothing would get scorched. The worst part was turning over the steak, it sent cold showers down her spine to see the meat in the pan. Grissom had offered her to not eat meat in the days that she was here, but she had told him that it was okay for her. She regretted that now. At least it was a good distraction from her worries about this kiss on the cheek thing.

And then she heard the key in the keyhole of the door. She swallowed hard. She turned off the cooker, her hands shaking again. She took a deep breath. _You can do this. You have to do this_. She slowly walked over to the entrance where Grissom and his mother had just entered.

Sara smiled softly at Gretchen. /Hi./ Sara signed. Thankful that Grissom had taught her at least some signs.

Gretchen smiled happily. /Nice to meet you again./

Sara could barely understand the signs, so she just smiled back brightly.

And then Grissom walked over to her. Sara felt her heart beating faster in her chest. She felt how she slowly got goose bumps on her arms, probably on her whole body. She felt that she began to shake again, she tried to take a deep breath in an inconspicuous way, well knowing that Grissom noticed how nervous she was.

First he placed his hand on her left cheek, what already sent showers of sensations down her body. She wished she could gasp for air, but her whole body felt so debilitated.

He dragged her face closer to his, she could feel his breath on her skin and it almost drove her insane. Her heart bumped hard, the feeling of butterflies in her stomach rising up.

It felt as if there was a knot in her throat, keeping her from breathing. What was probably better, because she had seen him using perfume before he had left to pick up his mother…she had sniffed on it after he had left, only the thought of Grissom smelling after this perfume made her crazy, made her wanting to let her lips trace over his neck and inhale the masculine scent of it. He never used perfume and she longed to know how it smelled on him.

Then his lips softly brushed over the skin of her right cheek. She automatically reached up for his cheek, the feeling of his beard being another sensation for her. She slowly ran her hand over it, her finger tips being tickled by the soft hair.

He pressed his lips harder against her cheek. She closed her eyes, the image of him kissing her in her head. It burned itself into her mind and she hoped she would never forget this moment.

Slowly a smile formed itself on her lips, her eyes opening again.

His right hand held her shoulder, he felt so strong and powerful, not soft like he had felt when he had been holding her hand. He probably felt much more comfortable at the moment than she did and than he had expected to feel and this probably filled him with self conscience and courage.

Then he pulled away from her. She could see a soft smile on his lips, though she swore that it was only a picture created by her desperate hope for a possible requital of her feelings for him. She couldn't erase the smile from her lips, somehow she was hypnotised by him, by this kiss. She knew that this kiss had only been a result and a part of the lie that he had been creating, but she knew that she'd treasure this moment anyways. It had only been three seconds, but in these three seconds she had been closer to Gil Grissom than she had ever been before.

She finally got her senses back together, noticing that Grissom was already signing his mother that he'd bring her to the guestroom until dinner was finished. Sara didn't really know if she was still needed in the living room so she made her way back to the kitchen, still walking on jelly legs.

When Grissom and Gretchen had left the room Sara was finally able to breath again. She leaned back against the kitchen counter, her heart still running fast and in addition to this it was literally jumping. God how good his lips had felt on her skin! Her eyes were closed for a while, she tried to calm herself down, tried to get her breathing under control again.

Then she heard his voice near her.

"Hey, you survived hurdle number one."

She opened her eyes, smiling softly and relieved. "You think she bought it?"

His hands were in the pockets of his jeans. Sara couldn't help but think how hot he looked in them. She swallowed hard, this wasn't the right time to have those thoughts about him. He shrugged smirking. "I told her that you were really nervous because of all this. She understood. Meeting the future in-laws is always an agitating experience."

Sara nodded softly. "I was totally tensed. I'm sorry, I guess I wasn't really convincing."

"You were convincing Sara. And…taking into consideration that we didn't rehearse this part at all, you were great."

"You weren't even nervous.", she said softly.

"Hell I was. I am just used to control myself.", he said softly.

"I…I should get the dinner ready now.", she said slowly.

He nodded. "Do you need help?"

She shook her head. "Nope. Only thing left to do is to get the salad out of the fridge and getting the food on the plates."

"I can handle the second part. I already feel bad enough that I let you cook meat for me…"

She smiled softly at him. She leaned into the fridge reaching for the salad.

"Do you think that I smell like a pimp?"

She broke out into almost uncontrollabllelaughter. "What?"

"My mother said that I would smell like a pimp.", he said thoughtfully.

Sara laughed so hard that some small tears ran down her cheeks. She held her stomach because it already started hurting from her laughter.

"You shouldn't laugh, I told her that you bought this perfume for me."

Shetried to calm down. "Okay….okay.", she finally managed to say. She took a deep breath to bring her body under her control again. "I don't think that you smell like a pimp. But you should maybe ask your mother how she knows how a pimp smells."

"Oh great, thanks. I'll never get that picture out of my head.", he said and winked at the still laughing Sara.

"Go and tell your mother that it's dinner time, pimp.", she said winking back at him.

He threw a played irritated look at her, causing her to laugh even more.

"Don't look at me like this Gil Grissom.", she called after him.

"Be careful or I'll look at you in a lot of other ways wife!"

"Hey, you said you had only told her that we're engaged.", she corrected him.

"It's still the same, I'm loosing the arguments anyways.", he said and shrugged.

Then he turned around and left the room, to tellhis mother that dinner was ready. Sara smiled to herself. This part had definitely not been played. She didn't know why, but from one moment to the other Grissom had changed back into the guy that he had been thirteen years ago when they had met in San Francisco for the first time. And only now she started realizing how much she had missed this trait of him, how much she had missed his ability to make her laugh, in a way that nobody else could make her laugh.

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TBC

I hope you all liked it :) thousand thanks for all the great reviews I got so far:)


	5. Chapter 5

disclaimer: I do not own CSI : (

AN: Thousand thanks to **Alex** for beta reading! You're the best!

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chapter 5

It was early in the morning when Sara woke up. First she didn't really know where she was until the memories came back to her.

This was definitely weird. Waking up in Gil Grissom's bedroom. Waking up in his bed with him lying next to her. How often had she dreamed of this? And now it became reality though it had the bitter after taste of it still being a lie.

Grissom was still asleep, she could tell from the way he breathed. The urge to turn around and watch him while he was asleep grew bigger and bigger but she reminded herself of their conversation last night.

After Gretchen had called it a night they had taken seat on the sofa. After a long time of silence Grissom had finally brought up the theme that had haunted her mind in the last twenty four hours. Sleeping. They would have to sleep in his bed room. Both. Together. In the same bed.

Grissom told her that he had thought about sleeping on the sofa but he didn't know whether his mother used to stand up early or not, whether she was the kind of person who ran to the fridge three times a night to get a glass of milk or not. He told her that he had thought about several excuses like that he had fallen asleep while watching TV or while reading a book… but he knew his mother, she'd expect something to be wrong, she'd think that they'd have a huge argument that their 'relationship' would be almost over and that they only pretended to still be happy, to make her happy.

Sara had wondered if Grissom was worried about the fact that they'd share the same room, the same bed, for the night. When he had broached the subject she had felt a weird feeling rising up in her stomach, it was a mixture of nervousness, anticipation, excitement and concern and it had been more than difficult to push all those thoughts out of her head.

He had told her that he had thought about some rules that would make this whole room and bed sharing thing easier for the both of them. She would sleep on the right side of the bed, he on the left, no-one was allowed to be on the other's side, they'd have their own blankets and pillows, he would sleep with his back to her and she would sleep with her back to him, they would change into their pyjamas - he had stressed the word pyjama, probably fearing she'd wear nothing at all or just a negligee or something similar – in the bathroom, when they had changed into their pyjamas they'd immediately go to bed, they'd neither read in a book or talk or do anything else, the light would be switched off and they'd sleep. As soon as one of them should wake up he would leave the room, in addition to this, he had added grinning, it would be nice if this person would already cook some coffee then.

They had already broken rule three, five and seven. Grissom had realized that he couldn't really sleep on the left side of his body so he had turned on his right side, his face to Sara. Before that Sara had broken rule five. She had been too impatient to wait for Grissom who seemed to spend hours in the bathroom so she had changed into her pyjama in the bedroom. Grissom had thrown an exhorting look at her, but then he had smiled softly telling her that the bathroom was free now, in case she'd still need it. And then Grissom had broken rule seven with asking her if she was already asleep half an hour after they had switched off the light. And she had broken rule seven b with answering his question.

It had taken her a long time to finally fall asleep. It was weird to lie next to someone in a foreign bed. And the fact that it was Grissom that she lay next to made it even harder to calm down, to settle her thoughts enough to find the calmness to be able to sleep.

She had listened to his breathing for a long time, first it had been kind of fast almost anxious but then he must have fallen asleep, he had been breathing slower and easeful. And the slow and soft breaths had finally been what had helped her to calm down.

And she now was breaking rule nine, she was the first one who woke up and it was actually her duty to leave the room and make some coffee. But she was the one who was doing him the favor here. Even though she had agreed to follow all of his rules, she felt that she should reward herself for her helpfulness. At least she tried to justify her trespass with this argument to herself.

She slowly turned around trying to be as quiet as possible. It would be really the worst thing that could happen if he'd wake up.

He looked so peaceful. She simply loved the way he looked while he was asleep. She noticed that there was a soft smile on his lips and she wondered if it was his dream that made him smile. Was he dreaming of something funny? Or was he dreaming of someone who made him smile? Who was this someone?

The right side of his face lay on the pillow, his right arm lay under the pillow, his left arm lay on the blanket, his hand buried in the gap between the two mattresses.

Sara bit down on her bottom lip. The urge to reach out for his cheek, the demand to touch him, the longing to caress him, the need to feel the soft skin of his face to feel the softness of his beard…it almost ripped her mind into two pieces. She knew that she had to resist the temptation. She knew that she just couldn't do this, she was not allowed to do it. What would happen if he'd wake up? What would he say? Would he be mad at her because she had broken the rules? How high was the actual chance that he would like to be touched by her?

He hadn't touched her at all after this one kiss. She had hoped he would at least hold her hand or let his hand slip over her arm or just something similar once again. But he hadn't done anything.

She needed to feel him so badly. She had stopped denying this to herself long ago.

His lips, she wanted to feel his lips again. She wished that she could at least run her finger over them, slowly. She tried to remember how they had felt on her cheek, how soft they had been but somehow the memories were already blurred.

She just couldn't control herself anymore, she needed to touch him even if it would just be for a second or half a second. She would hazard the consequences if he'd wake up.

Slowly she reached out for his face. Stopping half an inch before actually touching him. She needed to think about the point that she would touch, she had to pick a good one. She only had this one chance, it needed to be a special point.

But before Sara could think any further she heard a loud noise in the kitchen. She immediately turned her body away from Grissom afraid that he'd wake up.

It felt as if her heart was beating in her throat…and guilty conscience rose up in her. She would have deserved it if he'd been waking up but as far as she could tell he was still asleep. The speed of his breathing hadn't changed.

Sara took a deep breath. After this shock she needed a coffee, a strong coffee.

She slowly left the bed, careful, to not wake him up.

Before opening the door she stopped for a second. Taking a last look at him. The smile on his lips was still there…

_If only this smile would be for me…_

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TBC

**I hope you liked it :)**


	6. Chapter 6

AN: **THOUSAND** thanks to **Alex**! Thanks for beta reading and helping me with the story! You are the best: megahugs :

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chapter 6

Sara took seat on the sofa next to Gretchen. She handed a cup of coffee to her, smiling softly. It had taken her a while until she had cleaned up the mess in the kitchen. The coffeepot had slipped out of Gretchen's hand and there had been coffee and shards scattered over the ground and they had been almost everywhere.

_Usually I'd get paid for creeping over the ground on my knees,_ Sara had thought while slightly starting to become irritated because Grissom was still asleep. Yeah, he deserved to sleep, he was a hard working man who deserved to sleep but he left her almost alone with his mother.

Sara stared into her cup. The coffee was hot, it almost burned her hands through the china. But in some weird way it felt good, the hotness filled her body and somehow helped to calm her down. She was nervous. She didn't really know why, she liked Gretchen though communicating with her was difficult. Gretchen read from Sara's lips and wrote her answers down on a notepad. And Gretchen seemed to be pleased about the fact that Grissom was involved with Sara, there was always at least a soft smile on her lips when she looked at Sara, she didn't give her that 'you stole my son' feeling that her friends had so often described to her.

From what Grissom had told Gretchen didn't seem to be a conservative person, at least Sara drew that conclusion from the fact that Gretchen had wanted to set Grissom up with some guy. So she hoped that there wouldn't be those usual 'you're sleeping in the same room without being married' conversations…even if Gretchen would want to start one of those it would probably be Grissom whom she'd try to reprove with a comment about it.

_/I am so glad that Gil finally found a woman like you./_ Gretchen scribbled down on her notepad.

Sara smiled softly. "Thanks." She felt blood rushing into her cheeks, she felt that she was blushing but it was more from her bad conscience than from anything else.

_/Really. I always wanted a daughter in law that is just like you./_

Sara swallowed hard. This was just not right. This lie was a big mistake how could she ever agree to do this? How should they ever end it? The plan of Gretchen not liking her had so totally failed how were they supposed to ever get out of this lie?

_/Gil was always scared that he wouldn't be good enough for you, he said that you would deserve more than he could give. He said he wouldn't be able to make you happy./_

"He does make me happy." Sara faked a smile, wondering if there was maybe, just maybe, a little bit truth in everything that Gil had told his mother. The question of_ why _he had picked her to be part of his lie had haunted her for a long while now. Why her? Was he maybe really feeling something for her and was just too scared to confess it? And how was she ever supposed to find out?

_/I actually never believed that the two of you would ever get together. He so totally lacks all social skills and he is really not the emotional type. What is it that made you fall in love with him/_

Sara raised an eyebrow. Was this some kind of test? A catch question? How could Gretchen say something like this about her own son? Somehow very critical for a loving mother, Sara thought, then realizing that she couldn't know how exactly a 'loving mother' is supposed to be.

"He is not like the others. He is special, he…it is not about being a sociable person or being very emotional or romantic or whatever…we are tuned to the same wavelength."

While Gretchen began to write again Sara took a sip of her coffee hoping that she'd find a way to change the subject. Gretchen was interested into art so maybe she should ask her some questions about some famous paintings…it wouldn't be too difficult to set her interest on another theme, at least that was what Sara hoped.

_/And that means as much as he sexually satisfies you/_

Sara almost chocked on the coffee. She felt the hot liquid in her windpipe, almost hysterically trying to fill her lungs with air she coughed heftily. In this moment she didn't know what was worse, the fact that the hot coffee seemed to burn away her windpipe, the pain that was produced by the hot coffee and that ran through her whole body, the fact that she was almost suffocating or the fact that Gretchen had asked her if the reason why she was with Grissom was that he sexually satisfied her.

She gasped for air, the cough finally eased up, the shock didn't. Had Gretchen really asked this? She didn't really expect an answer to this, did she?

Sara slowly turned to Gretchen again, Grissom's mother threw an asking look at her and Sara realized that she really wanted an answer to this question.

She wouldn't answer this! NEVER! Not even over her dead body! In fact she couldn't, she wasn't sleeping with Grissom, _sadly_, she thought smirking to herself. She had to make up an answer anyways but she couldn't just tell his mother about their 'fictional' sex life and no matter how she would answer the question it would be more embarrassing for Grissom than for her but it wasn't Grissom who was sitting here on the sofa next to his mother, it was her and it was her who was supposed to answer this question.

"A relationship is not about sex, it's…it's maybe an important part for a lot of people but it's not what keeps the relationship alive…or….I mean sex is not the most important part of a relationship."

_/Oh, so he does not satisfy you? He probably just hadn't enough practice./_

Sara swallowed hard. _Oh my Gosh!_ She needed to get out of this, she needed to find a way to change the theme or a reason why she needed to leave now and why the hell was Grissom still asleep? "That's not it."

_/Oh my, but he is not impotent, is he/_

Sara stared at Gretchen, unbelieving. How could she just ask this? She was his mother! She was not supposed to ask those questions!

At least now she knew where Grissom got his curiosity from…but gladly Grissom's curiosity restricted itself to solving crimes, insects and the human mind, not the sex life of other people. Though the thought that it might be nice if he would at least be interested in her sex life ran through her mind.

Was there a way to get out of this conversation without making a total fool of herself or Grissom? On the one hand Sara would have loved to embarrass Grissom, how could he leave her alone with his mother for so long? On the other hand she knew that it was not his fault that she had been waking up so early and that he was still able to sleep, it was not his fault that his mother had asked these questions and he couldn't know that she was talking about something like this with Sara.

"I…I think we should not talk about…this theme."

_/Why not/_

_Why not? WHY not?_ Sara couldn't believe this. This must be some bad joke, some really bad joke. Gretchen was making fun of her, was she? "Because it's…" she could so easily say that this was a theme Gretchen should talk about with Grissom and not with her, but Grissom would never look at her again if he'd find out about this so she swallowed the words. "…I don't think that Gil would like it if we'd keep on talking about this."

She prayed that Gretchen would respect her answer, she prayed that Gretchen would stop asking those questions now.

_/He'll never find out if we don't tell him./_

If it wouldn't have been Gretchen Sara would have ripped off her head.

_/Has he ever tried Viagra? Maybe this could help./_

Sara felt so ridiculous, this whole conversation was ridiculous. She was really close to tell Gretchen that Grissom made her scream from pleasure all night, that he never had problems with anything, EVERYTHING was alright with her if it just promised to end this conversation.

Finally the bedroom door opened. Grissom had already changed into his clothes what made Sara wonder how long he had already been awake. It somehow filled her body with anger that he had obviously been awake for at last five minutes.

"Good morning.", he said smiling softly. "Where's the coffee?"

_You can have your coffee, scattered over your shirt you can have your coffee…hot coffee! _

Grissom noticed the expression in Sara's eyes and threw an asking look at her.

Sara left her seat and walked over to him. "Never! I say NEVER leave me alone with your mother again or I promise you that something really bad will happen.", she said angry then left the room throwing the bedroom door shut behind her, leaving a slightly confused Gretchen and a very much confused Grissom in the living room.

She let herself fall back on the mattress, closed her eyes and tried to calm down. It didn't really work but it somehow made her feel better that she had at least managed to express her anger to Grissom. Even though this seemed to be useless, he didn't understand why she was angry and she'd never tell him. But that didn't matter at the moment.

* * *

**TBC**


	7. Chapter 7

AN: sorry, I know I promised that this chap would be up on wednesday ...I just didn't manage to finish it earlier. Sorry!

Thousand thanks to **Alex** for being the best beta-reader ever! **:hugz:**

A little note, because I was asked why Gretchen doesn't speak. I figured that according to the fact that she is deaf since almost 40 years she probably stopped speaking after a while. Have you ever tried to talk when you couldn't hear or barely hear what you were saying? I tried it and it's really weird and it's also really difficult because you can not really control how you say things. So I made the decission that in my fan fic Grissom's mother does not speak : ) I actually regretted it after the first chaps because it's somehow strange to write their conversations, but well, anyways... : ) I don't want to bore anyone with another long AN so let's start the story: )

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chapter 7

A soft knock on the door ripped Sara out of her thoughts. "Yeah?"

He slowly opened the door and entered. "Are you okay?"

Sara sighed then she nodded softly. "Yeah."

"What happened?", he asked sitting down on the edge of the mattress.

Sara sat up, leaning against the back of the bed now sitting cross-legged on the mattress. "Your mother asked me some…weird questions. I'm sorry that I kind of freaked out…I just, I think I was somehow angry that you left me alone with her for so long… but actually it wasn't that long and you couldn't know that she was asking those questions it's not your fault… I'm sorry that I was so harsh."

Grissom smiled softly at her. "Mom was a little worried because you left so harum-scarum."

"I'm sorry if you would just know what she asked then you'd understand."

"You're not going to tell me, are you?"

She shook her head. "I just want to forget this conversation. If you'd know it would drive you crazy, just believe me it's better when you never find out."

"The more you say the more curious you make me."

Sara grinned softly. "Let's just say...your mother is pretty open minded and I didn't expect that from a woman in her age."

Grissom smirked. "She's the total opposite of me. You wouldn't know that we're related to each other."

"Oh, she's just as curious as you are, she's just interested in different themes."

Grissom raised an eyebrow. "O-kay, I think I _really_ don't want to know."

"What are the plans for today?" Sara asked hoping that they would change the theme.

"Last minute Christmas shopping at the mall, afterwards we're having some coffee, in addition to this we're going to have dinner at the Eiffel Tower restaurant later tonight and afterwards we're going to decorate the Christmas tree."

"Now _that _sounds good." She said with a bright smile on her lips.

Grissom cleared his throat. "About the shopping.", he swallowed hard. Sara threw an asking look at him making it even more difficult for him to continue. "I doubt that you bought a gift for me so I made a list of stuff that I need anyways. I'll give you my credit card so you can pay the stuff with it." He tried to avoid looking at her, the tension between them felt more and more awkward.

Her mouth dropped open, she was trying to say something but she didn't know what to say so she just stared at him.

Silence lay between them, awkward silence. Until Sara finally took a deep breath and found her words back. "That's ridiculous."

He looked up to her. "Why? You shouldn't have to pay for that stuff so..."

Sara shook her head. "Grissom this is simply ridiculous. That is not the idea of Christmas."

"But we're not really...I mean..."

"...do you want me to make such a list too? And to give you my credit card to buy them?"

"No."

"Why not?" she tilted her head throwing a questioning look at him.

He swallowed hard. "Because..." he sighed loudly. "...because it's ridiculous."

Sara smirked. "You got a point there." She playfully grinned at him.

Grissom chuckled softly. "That was unfair."

"Relationships are never fair not even the faked ones. The woman always wins the arguments you should get used to it sometime.", she winked at him. But then the expression in her eyes got serious and the smile softly faded from her lips.

She swallowed hard, she had been asking herself from the beginning on how they'd handle the gift stuff. He usually gave a book to her and once it had been a framed butterfly. She gave him framed butterflies or textbooks. She had never dared to give him something else, something really meaningful...something that might reveal her feelings for him. She had been scared of his possible reactions to it.

This year she had bought something special for him, the funny thing was that she had bought it before she had been included into this lie, before she had known that she would spend these days with Grissom. She had sworn herself to give him something that made a statement, a statement that told him what she felt, that simply said _'I love you.'_ She wanted him to know and she hoped that he would finally act on it, that he would do something about it. Even if it was telling her that he didn't feel the same, at least she'd know it for sure then.

It was her New Years pledge to change some parts of her life what actually meant changing her relationship with Grissom. Either bringing them closer together or the final certitude that he didn't feel the same for her.

The bad thing of this whole lie was that now her gift wouldn't look like a 'real' gift. The statement would look like a faked one he would think that she just gave it to him because she wanted to give _'one hundred percent'_.

"Hey, what's up?", he ripped her out of her thoughts.

She looked up to him. "Nothing." She faked a smile. "I...I already have a gift for you."

"You have?"

_Why does he sound so surprised! Damn it!_ She felt how she got more and more nervous, the awkwardness between them had just disappeared only to come back again even worse now.

She nodded and bit down on her bottom lip. "Yeah.", she answered softly. She looked down on her hands, she felt the urge to chew on her nails but restrained it with all her power. For a second she glanced up at him and couldn't believe what she saw.

Was this a soft smile that flashed over his lips? Had he really smiled for a couple of moments?

"I have something for you too, but I don't know if you will like it." He made a pause while she was inwardly dancing the happy-dance he grew more and more nervous. He took a deep breath to calm himself down a little telling himself that there was nothing to be nervous about. "It's different from the other stuff, not a textbook again."

"As long as it's not a playboy subscription I am sure that I'm going to like it.", she said and smiled warmly.

He chuckled a little finally feeling the tension between them disappear again. "No, it's not a subscription. It's nothing to read. It's more...well, I don't know how to describe it..."

"Hey, don't spoil my fun! I'm going to see what it is tomorrow morning.", she said grinning.

He smiled softly then he stood up. "I bet Mom already worries where we are. I don't want her to think that we are fighting. I better go back to her and you'll join us when you are ready, okay?"

_And I don't want her to think that we were doing the opposite of fighting in here..._ She nodded softly and smiled at him.

"You're not letting me alone with her again, are you?" she almost pleaded.

Grissom, who had just been about to leave the room, stopped in the doorframe and chuckled softly. "I so don't want to know what she was asking you. If it scares you so much that you are afraid to be alone with her..."

"Oh yeah, you _so_ don't want to know." Sara let herself fall back on the mattress with a grin on her lips.

"But one day you will have to tell me."

"I'll tell you on the day that my dog learns to spell my name."

"You don't have a dog."

"Exactly." She winked at him, breaking out into laughter after he had left and closed the door behind him.

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TBC

I hope you liked it : )


	8. Chapter 8

AN: okay, next chap :) I hope you like it : )

thousand thanks to **Alex** for being the best beta reader in the world!

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chapter 8

Sara took seat on one of the four chairs that were placed around the table. It felt so good to finally sit again. Gretchen had propelled her and Grissom through the mall in a speed that seemed to be inhuman even for people in their age. They had almost spend 7 hours with shopping, half of the time they had been racing after Gretchen to not loose track of her.

Her feet hurt like hell and she wished that she could just stretch out on her bed, could take a long hot bath or at least could grimace from the pain, _but you do not do that in a restaurant like this._ She sighed softly telling this to herself over and over again.

Her eyes rested on Grissom who was obviously fighting with himself to find back his strength. She smiled softly at him but he didn't notice then she turned to Gretchen who didn't seem to be at least a little bit out of breath. _How can a woman in her age still be as fresh as a daisy? _

Gretchen smiled brightly at her_. /So, ready for tomorrow morning?_/

Sara grinned to herself, she was more than ready though she still wasn't sure if she could ever look at Grissom again after giving him her gift. Maybe he would think that it was stupid, idiotic, worthless...maybe he wouldn't understand the meaning of it.

But her decision was definite, she would give it to him, it needed to be done and she would do it. Everything that had happened between them in the last two days made it so much easier for her to hold on to her plan even if this relationship was a lie there had been moments that had been more than true.

He had opened up to her in a way that she had never dared to dream about, they had been laughing together, about silly things, about all kind of things...it reminded her of their first encounter in San Francisco. He had been such a funny guy, he had been joking about almost everything, they had backbitten about some of the assistant professors, they had enjoyed being together. Ever since she had been in Vegas she had missed the requital of this feeling she had missed the man who had the ability to make her laugh so easily, who could make her happy with the simplest gesture.

"Yeah, sure I'm ready." She smiled back at Gretchen.

_/What about your family? Why aren't they here too? Why don't you celebrate with them?_/

And that hit the nail on it's head. Sara swallowed hard. She had tried to push all the thoughts of her mother and her brother away had promised herself to not think about them for these days, had promised herself to celebrate a normal Christmas, a Christmas without any family tragedies hunting her mind...why couldn't she just escape her past at least for a couple of days?

"We visited her mother on Thanksgiving, she's celebrating Christmas with Sara's brother's family this year." Grissom turned in, saving Sara from answering these more than uncomfortable questions.

_/That's awesome, how many children does your brother have? Big families are great. I bet you're a great aunt./_

"We don't see each other that often since I live in Vegas." That was it, this was even worse than the already nightmare like conversation in the morning.

The waiter had already served three glasses of Champaign, now Sara grabbed one of them not really drinking, more staring into the sparkling liquid. She wouldn't find answers in the bubbles but she could pretend that the bubble she had been living in for the last forty-eight hours was not about to burst.

Her right hand rested on her thigh while her left one clutched the stem of the Champaign glass she tried to remain calm, to pretend that everything was okay but it just wouldn't work. She faked a smile well knowing that at least Grissom would perceive that she felt horrible but if she wouldn't distract herself with smiling she knew that she'd break out in tears.

She knew that Grissom had made up this excuse with the intention to help Sara out of the uncomfortable atmosphere that his mother's question had created but he had just made it worse.

And he noticed that. He swallowed hard when he noticed that it took her all her inner strength to not loose her poise.

_/Oh, that's sad, I think that the bonds of a family are really the most important ones./_

Sara felt how her hands began to shake, she swallowed hard. Gretchen didn't know what she was doing to her and Sara knew that she couldn't blame her for asking those questions and making those remarks about the importance of family bonds but it made her heart hurt as if it was fixed in a vise.

Suddenly she felt Grissom's hand under the table, he carefully searched for her hand and took it into his when he found it.

She turned to him thanking him with a soft smile. Just by the feeling of his hand on hers she felt better, she wasn't alone, he knew how she felt and he didn't want her to be sad.

He slowly ran his thumb over the back of her hand sending a cold shower down her spine while her whole body was slowly filling up with warmth and ease.

He squeezed her hand and smiled warmly at her, giving her the strength that she needed to desperately.

She took a deep breath then she let go off his hand and slowly left her seat. "Excuse me for a minute." She said softly and walked over to the bathrooms.

As soon as she was out of sight she got her cell phone out of her purse and dialled a number. She leaned back against the wall of the hallway that lead to the bathrooms, waiting for the call to be answered.

_"Sidle."_

"Ben?" Her voice was shaking but she didn't really know why.

_"Yeah..."_

"It's Sara..." Hell, she was nervous, she hadn't been talking to her brother for almost two years.

_"Sara?" He asked unbelieving._

She swallowed hard. "Your sister."

_"I know that." He laughed softly. "I just can't believe that you're actually calling me."_

"It's been a while."

_"That's an understatement. Are you in town? Is something wrong? Something up with Mom?"_

"No I...I just wanted to...call...and... wish you a merry Christmas." It felt so weird to hear his voice. The nervousness slowly left her but she was still shaking and cold showers kept running down her spine.

_"A merry Christmas to you too sis."_

She could imagine how bright he was smiling, she felt it in the sound of his words. "How are you? Any news?"

_"You ask me after news? I'd have to tell you everything that happened in the last two years...but you didn't answer my question."_

"Question?"

"_Are you in town?"_

"No, no...I'm in Vegas. At home."

"_Oh...well, in case you should ever come here, call me. Okay?"_

"I will."

"_Promise?"_

"Promise... But you are okay, are you?"

_"Sure. Worst thing that happened to me since our last conversation was a ticket for breaking the speed limit."_

Sara laughed softly. She wondered what had always kept her away from calling him, why she had avoided him for so long. Maybe it had been the fear of being reminded of their past, maybe it had been the fact that she had never really felt close to anyone, that she had never felt the need of being close to him. But Gretchen was right, the bonds of a family are the most important ones. "I...I have to hang up now." Suddenly she remembered where she was and that Grissom and Gretchen were waiting for her.

_"Oh...why?" he asked slightly disappointed._

"Because I was actually having dinner with a friend and his mother."

"_A friend or your friend?" _

"That's a long story...I'm going to tell you next time."

_"Oh, so you plan to call me again? That's nice of you." He teased._

"I had the plan, yeah." She heard him laughing into the telephone and grinned brightly. "Talk to you soon."

_"Bye sis and merry Christmas."_

"Merry Christmas." She shut her cell, closing her eyes for a couple of moments, still leaning against the cold stonewall. She took a deep breath then opened her eyes again. This had felt so good. Talking to Ben and hearing his voice. At least Gretchen's comment had been good for one thing it had finally helped her to jump over her shadow and find the strength to call her brother.

Finally she decided to make her way back to Grissom and his mother. She left the hallway and entered the dining room slowly walking into the direction of their table, stopping when she spotted a too familiar person talking to Grissom and Gretchen.

_What the hell is Catherine doing here?_

* * *

TBC

wanna know what Grissom and Gretchen are talking about while Sara calls Ben? find out in the next chap : )


	9. Chapter 9

AN: thousand thanks to **Alex** for not only being the best beta reader in the world but also for helping me with great suggestions and ideas:hugz:

**please note:** somehow the editor always deleted the "?"in-front ofthe "/" ...I tried to fix it but it didn't work, so in case that you don't find a full-stop in one of Gretchen's senctences there is probably a question mark missing.

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chapter 9

Grissom felt helpless as Sara left her seat and walked away from them. The feeling that this was all his fault wouldn't leave him, he was the one to blame for this, he should have told his mother to not ask Sara about her family. On the other hand he hadn't known if Sara would have wanted that.

Now it was too late anyways. He hesitated whether he should follow her or should stay here with his mother and give Sara the chance to calm down. He figured that Sara probably didn't want to talk now that she needed her own time to calm down. If he'd follow her she would feel as if she needed to hurry up, as if she needed to go back as soon as possible to continue their charade.

/Where's she going / Gretchen signed, a worried expression in her face.

/My guess would be the ladies bathroom./ Grissom signed and shrugged.

/Did I write something wrong? Gretchen was really worried and Grissom felt miserable that he couldn't tell his mother what was wrong but it was better for her to not know how much those questions had touched Sara's deepest, sorest secret.

/She just doesn't feel good today and the shopping stole her last power reserves./

/You should go and check if she's okay./

Grissom sighed. He wanted to check up on Sara but he knew that it wouldn't help at all. He knew Sara well enough to identify the expression in her face as her _'I need to be alone'_ expression. And when Sara needed to be alone then she needed to be alone. There were things that he knew Sara didn't want to share with him or wasn't ready to share with him. And this was less because she didn't trust him enough than because they had no balanced basis of mutual reliance. /Mom, she is okay./

/You do notdeserve her./ Gretchen signed angrily.

He raised an eyebrow. /What / He swallowed hard, was their lie about to leak out?

/I've been watching the two of you. The last time you kissed her was when we entered your house the other day. You did noteven touch her this morning, you did not even wish her a good morning when you woke up./

/Because you scared her away with your questions./ He realized how right his mother was. He hadn't touched Sara at all since yesterday. If they were _'oh so in love'_ then they wouldn't be able to take their hands off of each other.

/You didn't help her out of the car, you didn't open the doors for her, you didn't carry her shopping bags, you did not adjust her chair when she was about to take seat here, you did not take her jacket, you.../

/That's enough Mom./ he warned her, sighing inwardly, his mother was so right but at least she wasn't suspecting them to lie, only accusing him to not deserve her.

/Gil, I tell you if you are not going to show her how much you care she will leave you! Soon. And I could understand her./

/Mom, I am not the romantic kind of person and Sara always knew that. She knew the worse me, I changed in the last years Mom, thanks to Sara. She already made me a better person, she knows that I am not the emotional type and she accepts it. She loves me the way I am. And she is not one of the women who wants her chair to be adjusted, she does not want to be treated like a queen. She is an independent woman and she wants to be seen as such./

Gretchen raised an eyebrow. /It is not about treating her like a queen. You do not show her that you care for her. Gil, I know what she means to you and I am sure that she knows, too but it is not done with that./

Grissom knew that whatever he would say, no matter how good his arguments might sound in his head, his mother was right from her point of view.

He hesitated maybe he should at least pretend to follow Sara? Or maybe he better really checked up on her?

/You should show her how much you care. Take her out for dinner or better, make dinner for her, hold her hand, pull her into your arms from time to time, tell her that you love her whenever you have the chance to do so. If she is the most important person in your life, if she is your life then show it to her! She needs to know what you feel./

_I need to talk with Sara about that. Oh my God, what will she say about that?_ He didn't even want to imagine Sara's reaction when he would tell her that they needed to have more body contact, that he had to touch and kiss her more often.

He knew he would screw this up. This was not him. He had always lived in his straight borders when it came to her, he had always done his best to not cross the line between friendship and relationship...and now he had to do exactly this. How should he ever really manage to let go off all his principles, how could he betray all the promises he had given to himself?

A familiar voice ripped him out of his thoughts. "Gil. What are you doing here?"

_Catherine. What the hell? What have I done to deserve this?_ He cleared his throat and faked a smile. "Catherine."

Silence. Awkward silence. Grissom saw how Catherine's eyes stared at the third glass on the table and it let his heart beat faster. She would destroy it all. Catherine raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything.

/Don't you want to introduce us / Gretchen asked impatient.

/Sure...Mom this is Catherine Willows, I told you about her./ he cleared his throat. "Catherine this is my mother."

"Oh. It's nice to meet her."

Grissom faked another soft smile. How was he supposed to get rid of her? He glanced around the room, spotting Sara who was on her way back to the table. He prayed that Sara would spot Catherine and would stay where she was so that she and Cath wouldn't meet. He wished that he could give Sara a sign but Catherine would notice it for sure.

"So, you're having dinner?"

"Yeah. We justordered it." _Oh come on Catherine why are you doing this to me? Leave...please leave. _

"What did you choose?"

"The Filet of Atlantic Salmon, Pinot Noir Sauce and my mother chose the Semi Boneless Braised Quail, Chanterelles, Fava Beans, Roasted Fingerling Potatoes."

"That sounds definitely good."

He hadn't seen Gretchen writing down something on her notepad,now, when he noticed, it was already too late. Gretchen handed the notepad to Catherine, a friendly smile on her lips.

/Are you also a friend of Sara /

Catherine reached out for the pencil when Grissom stopped her. If he couldn't stop his mother from writing, he could at least follow their conversation with telling Catherine that his mother could read lips. Doing so he glanced around the dining room, trying to find Sara,without attracting Catherine's attention.

"We work together but we are not that close."

Grissom sensed what his mother's question had been and he swallowed hard by the thought of what her next questions might be. He needed to end this. Sara had already given him a sign that he needed to hurry up their meals would soon be served and three plates of food would make Catherine even more curious. "Are you alone Catherine?"

"No, having dinner with...a friend. But he's not here yet."

He saw how his mother reached out for the notebook again, a cold shower ran down his spine. /Mom could you go and look after Sara please /

/You are the one who should.../

/...do me this favor Mom, please./

Gretchen nodded, smiled softly at Catherine and left.

"Where's she going?", Catherine asked, her eyes following Gretchen.

"The bathroom."

Catherine nodded. "So, who is the third person?"

"Third person?"

And as if it wasn't bad enough the waiter showed up with their meals. He served them and left without saying anything. Even if he would have said something Grissom felt so numb he probably would have missed it.

Catherine raised an eyebrow looking down at Sara's plate. "Vegetarian."

Grissom leaned forward his elbow resting on the table, his hand supporting his forehead. His eyes were closed for a moment, he took a deep breath preparing himself to tell Catherine that he was here with Sara. He didn't know how, telling Catherine the truth would be as worse as telling her the lie.

"Well, I hope you, your mother and the mysterious person, let's call her Sara, have a nice evening."

He felt as if his heart stopped beating. She already knew it! She had seen them before! She had been walking over to them to let him know that she knew!

"Enjoy your meal."

That smile on her lips was evil. At least Grissom couldn't help but think so. After this, how should he enjoy the meal? This was almost sarcastic! "You are not going to tell anyone, are you?"

Catherine shrugged and left him. He swallowed hard, he felt horrible miserable. What if Catherine told anyone about this? And worst of all he still had to act totally natural in front of his mother. Neither he nor Sara were allowed to let her notice their stress, their nervousness...

There was one thing that he was more than sure about, never again he would make up such a lie.

* * *

TBC

thanks for reading. I know this chap was kind of dry...sorry!

Thanks to everyone who reviewed so far: ) I'm really glad that so many people like this fic and I can't believe how many of you took the time to review...thank you so much : )

next chapter should be on on wednesday : )


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Thousand thanks to **Alex **for being the best beta reader in the world :hugz:

this chap is a little bit longer...but I hope you like it : )

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chapter 10

Thankful that the day was finally over Sara laid down on the bed. She closed her eyes trying to forget everything else around for a while. She felt how Grissom sat down on the edge of the mattress, but she was too lazy to open her eyes again.

"We have a problem." He told her softly and she could hear how worried he was.

She hesitated for a second, but then she opened her eyes again and sat up. "A problem?"

"Three problems actually." He swallowed hard.

"And that would be?" Sara asked now also slightly worried.

"My mother makes you feel miserable. Or her questions. I...I feel so sorry for what happened during dinner tonight. I should have done something but I just didn't know what."

Sara smirked softly. "Don't worry about that. Really. It's okay. How should she have known. And to be honest, those things happen to me every day, I have to deal with it. It's not easy but it's getting easier. And..." she made a pause looking at him for a moment. She felt butterflies in her stomach, smiling to herself about the fact that he was worried because of his mother's questions. "...you did something. You held my hand. You showed me that you're there."

"I should have followed you, I should have checked up on you. I just let you leave and..."

"...you did exactly what I needed. You held my hand and then gave me the time that I needed to calm down. And...actually your mother's questions made me do something that I should have done much earlier."

He threw an asking look at Sara. "What?"

"I called my brother." A soft smile flashed over her lips. "And we talked, not much, but...we talked. For the first time in two years. And it felt so good... I never called him because I thought our past would come back and haunt me, I somehow...I somehow didn't realize that we should live in the future... and not in the past. But your mother was right... the bonds of a family are the most important ones...and that was what I needed to be reminded of." She brushed a strand of hair out of her face, a warm smile on her lips. "You can delete this problem from your list."

He whished that he could smile at her, he felt relieved that she had been able to jump over her shadow, that she had been able to call her brother and leave a part of her fears behind. But there were still these two problems that lay heavy on him. "Catherine knows it. Or better said, she saw us in the restaurant. She saw you with me and Mom... I don't know what she suspects, all I know is that she will not be able to keep this to herself."

Sara swallowed hard. "She thinks we are...involved?"

Grissom shrugged. "Probably. I mean it was an pretty obvious arrangement. You having dinner with me and my mother on Christmas Eve..."

"...could you loose your job if Ecklie would suspect us to have a relationship?", she asked with shaking voice.

He shook his head. "I doubt it. He doesn't have any evidence...maybe he'd decide to let someone else evaluate you, but he can't really do anything. It's only frown upon such a relationship, but it's not completely forbidden."

Sara nodded softly. "Could be worse."

"Do you want to be the main topic of the department gossip for the next months?"

"You know what I think about Catherine...but I really don't think that she will tell anyone about this. You two are friends, she knows that it could have consequences if someone would find out...I don't think she's like that. She wouldn't betray you. You helped her so often when she had problems with Eddie, she wouldn't dare to cause you problems on purpose."

"I love your optimism." He said softly, then looked at her. "My mother told me that I wouldn't deserve you."

"What?" Sara raised an eyebrow. "How can she say this? She's your mother! I mean..."

"...she said I wouldn't care enough, I wouldn't show you my feelings enough, I wouldn't be romantic enough."

"You should have told her that I would love you the way you are."

"I did. Didn't help. I think we..." he made a pause and swallowed hard. "...I think we need to touch each other more often in front of her."

Sara smirked, she didn't see a problem in this at all, kind of sweet of him that he thought that she would. "Okay."

"I know that...I mean you probably don't feel very comfortable with this and I wanted to keep the number of body contacts as low as possible because... I know you're already making so many sacrifices for me, you can't imagine how much I appreciate this, how thankful I am...and I...I really wanted to make it as easy as possible for you..."

"...Grissom..." Sara disrupted him. "...I do not have a problem with this. I agreed in helping you, I agreed to do you this favor...I wouldn't have done so if I _would_ have a problem with those things."

"We should maybe make some kind of plan, like...you know when we touch or...kiss. Maybe a sign so that the other one is not completely caught off guard."

Sara raised an eyebrow. "You mean like, each time when someone says...for example 'tie'...we have to kiss and each time that someone says bubblegum we have to hug?"

"I'd choose other words, but that's a good idea.", he answered thoughtfully.

Sara cleared her throat. "I meant that ironically."

"Oh." He faked a smile. "I knew that."

Sara grinned. "Yeah yeah...I'd say that too."

Grissom rolled with his eyes. "Can we get back on topic please...this is really a serious problem Sara."

"You were the one who wanted to have a signal."

He sighed and stood up, he walked over to his closet and searched for his pyjama, trying to set his thoughts on something else. Worrying about these problems didn't help anyways.

Sara shifted her weight and grabbed for her book, she leaned against the back of the bed, sitting cross legged on the mattress.

The room lay in silence for a while, only the sounds he created while rummaging his closet and the sound of papers rubbing over each other each time she turned a page were audible and created a slow rhythm.

"Maybe we should rehearse the kissing part." He said somehow still lost in thoughts.

Sara put her book down. Had he just said what she thought he said? "What?"

"I mean...not really rehearse just...the order of the different phases and..." he said now getting slightly nervous.

"Order? Different phases? Grissom we are talking about a simple kiss here. You don't need to make a dissertation out of it. It's really easy you know, you press your lips on mine, then open your mouth, stick your tongue into my mouth and..."

"I know how to kiss Sara." He cleared his throat. Opening his mouth to say something but couldn't because she disrupted him before the first syllable had left his mouth.

"But you thought that I wouldn't?"

"What I meant with rehearsing was not rehearsing how to kiss. It was more like...we are not allowed to make an uncomfortable impression and should try to not feel too awkward while...while we kiss."

"I don't recall that anyone ever felt awkward while kissing me." She said and winked.

He couldn't help but smile. Even though he'd rather held this conversation in a serious manner, but she managed so well to drive away the unpleasant feelings this theme brought up, that he was just thankful for her sense of humor. "We could sort of re-enact a kiss just to get rid of the awkwardness." He offered.

"Re-enact?"

"Yeah, let's try to see this as a case. We're not re-enacting a rape scene but a kiss."

Sara shook her head in disbelief. "We could also just kiss. I actually don't see a problem there." She knew he did not want to kiss her tonight, she didn't want to sandbag him into it, but she wanted him to admit that he was the one who felt awkward with the situation. She knew that he didn't feel awkward because it was her he had to kiss, it was more the situation, maybe also their history and that he knew that she felt more for him than she should.

He sat down on the edge of the bed, his body close to hers but not touching it.

_This is so ridiculous_. But she didn't stop him, she wouldn't complain about this, she loved being close to him and this did _not_ happen on her responsibility, he had started it, she wouldn't stop him.

"Okay. So, I...place my hands on your cheek." He held his hands on the level of her cheeks, making sure that there was enough space left between them.

Although she felt incredibly ridiculous, the butterflies in her stomach wouldn't stop flying anymore. Her heart was beating fast and hard in her chest while she inhaled his scent.

She knew that his eyes were focussed on her but she didn't dare to meet his gaze, she knew that she wouldn't be able to stand the tension between them, it was already difficult enough.

"And then I drag your face closer to mine." He moved his hands away from her face, closer to his. Then he threw a questioning look at Sara.

"What?", she asked and raised an eyebrow.

"Your face needs to follow my hands."

It was so hard to not break out into laughter and the fact that he took this deadly serious didn't help at all. She cleared her throat. "Sorry." She tried to suppress the grin on her lips but it didn't work.

"Take this serious." He placed his hand on the level of her cheeks again and repeated his movement.

This time her face followed his. The temptation to not stop in an appropriate distance from his lips grew bigger and bigger and resisting the temptation cost her all her strength.

"And then our lips meet and you open your mouth."

"I do not really have to do this now, do I?"

"You already know the answer."

Sara sighed and opened her mouth a little. "Do you also want me to close my eyes?"

"Don't speak now." He commanded softly.

Sara swallowed hard, his voice had changed and she would swear that his lips almost brushed hers as he spoke.

The tension between them was almost unbearable, she felt her heartbeat in her throat and it ran through her whole body like a bolt.

Then she felt his hands on her cheeks, her eyes almost shut completely, breathing got harder with every second that passed by and with every breath she took.

All of a sudden he closed the gap between their lips. His hands pressed her face close against his and he didn't loosen his grip. He slowly ran his tongue over her bottom lip and she opened her mouth to invite it in.

He didn't hesitate to follow her invitation, his tongue began to dance around hers, sending showers of sensations through her body.

After a while he slowly pulled away from her. She opened her eyes and their gazes met. They stared at each other for a while until Sara broke the silence. "So that is what you call re-enactment?" She smiled and winked at him, causing a soft smile to run over his lips.

* * *

TBC

I hope you liked it : )

And thanks to everyone who reviewed so far! I can't believe I got more than 100 reviews so far! I am glad that so many people like my story... special thanks to the regular reviewers!


	11. Chapter 11

AN: This chap is dedicated to **Alex**, for being the best beta reader in the world, for always helping me and encouraging me and for just being there :super hugz: and thanks for beta-ing although you actually wanted to sleep!

_the fuff the fluff..._

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chapter 11

Her eyes followed him while he poured fresh coffee into his cup, following every little move he made. He had kissed her. She couldn't believe it. He had kissed her and it had not been a direct part of this lie. He hadn't kissed her in front of his mother, he had kissed her in the privacy of his bedroom, had kissed her although his mother wouldn't find out about it.

It had not been a part of their lie.

She had felt longing and despair in this kiss, she had felt the restrained feelings of five long years, she had felt truth in it and she wanted to feel it all again.

He had already been awake when she woke up. It had taken her a long time to finally calm down, to clear her head from the mixed feelings she had had. She had been lying awake in his bed for hours recalling the way his lips had felt on hers over and over again. And then the nervousness had been rising up in her, she had been wondering if he would even understand the meaning of her gift. If he still remembered... she had told herself that she would find out soon that she would have to face the truth soon - from this point on it had been even more difficult to sleep.

When she had entered the living room he had been sitting on the sofa, a magazine in his hands. He had smiled softly at her, had wished her a good morning and a merry Christmas and then offered her a cup of coffee which she had gratefully accepted.

She had followed him to the kitchen, leaning against the fridge with her back.

"Did you sleep well?" he asked and smiled softly while he poured coffee into her cup.

She wouldn't tell him that this kiss had been exciting her so much that she hadn't been able to get a wink of sleep for hours. Somehow she didn't want him to think that it was such a big deal for her after all. "Yeah." She took a sip of her coffee. "You?"

He nodded softly. "Mom's already up, she's in the bathroom. When she's finished you can use it and afterwards we can exchange the gifts."

A smile flashed over her lips while a cold shower ran down her spine. _What will he say when he realizes what I just gave him?_ She told herself to stay calm, to wait and see and to let happen what happened, to accept it whatever it was.

"Sara?"

She looked up from her cup. "Yeah?"

"Is everything okay?" He asked concerned.

She swallowed hard. "Sure." She faked a smile although she knew that he would notice it. "I'm just not completely awake yet."

He sighed softly. "If there's something that you want to talk about then you...you can always come and talk to me, you know that."

She nodded feeling how blood rushed into her cheeks.

Before either of them could say more Gretchen joined them in the kitchen. Sara was more than thankful for the disruption and after a short conversation with Gretchen she headed for the bathroom.

Half an hour later it knocked on the bathroom door. Meanwhile Sara's nerves had hit rock bottom. She had tried to put on some make-up but after she had to completely remove it twice, because her eyeliner had been scattered over her whole face except for the area around her eyes, she had given up. She hated wearing make-up anyways and with shaking hands it was just impossible to get it done.

She walked over to the door and opened it.

"You look nice." Grissom smiled softly.

She smiled back at him. "Thanks."

"We were wondering how long you will need, Mom seems to be a little nervous about her present for us...she keeps asking me when you'll finally be ready."

_I would have been ten times faster if I would only be a 'little' nervous._ She sighed. "I'm ready." Physically, not mentally...

They took seat on the sofa, Gretchen smiled brightly at them and Sara couldn't help but smile about how excited Grissom's mother was.

"Who starts?" Sara asked Grissom.

"You." He said, winked and handed a wrapped package.

She took a deep breath, her heart was beating hard in her chest and her hands were shaking when her fingers carefully parted the sellotape from the wrapping paper. She didn't dare to look up to see the expression in Grissom's face.

She had removed the paper, a purple box appeared and she slowly opened it. "Oh my God." What she saw overwhelmed her, only once she had mentioned this in front of him and he had remembered it! She was moved to tears, her hand slowly running over the book cover.

"It's the first edition." He told her softly. "I...I knew that this was your favorite book when you were a child and when I found it in an antiques shop I just had to buy it for you."

She was speechless. Her whole body was shaking. He had remembered that? And he had thought of her when he had seen it? And he had bought it for her!

"Read the dedication." He whispered opening the book for her.

_Sometimes a dying whale is just a dying whale and sometimes it's the obvious we cannot see. Until someone opens up our eyes. _

Gil

That was it. Sara felt the tears running down her cheeks. She slowly turned to Grissom who immediately twined his arms around her. Their lips met in a soft kiss that sent showers of sensations through her body.

Her arms slipped around his neck and she pressed herself against his chest, as their lips loosened from each other she found her words back. "Thank you, thank you so much." She whispered into his ear planting a kiss on his cheek.

She felt his heart beating and it was running as fast as hers did. She pulled away from him her hand resting on his cheek their eyes met and they did not let go off each other for a long time. "This is the best gift I ever got." She whispered. "Thank you so much."

"You're welcome." He said softly and ran his hand through her hair. "I am glad that you like it."

"I love it...you can't imagine how much I love it." She wiped the tears from her cheeks and smiled at him. She took a deep breath and reached out for the gift she had for him.

Only now remembering that Gretchen had been there all the time. She had taken seat on the armchair and smiled brightly at them.

Sara smiled softly at her and then turned back to Grissom. "I...don't know if you... if you remember this but...well...just open it and..." She took a deep breath, after the gift he had given to her, after this dedication he had written for her...there was really no reason for being nervous anymore but still the feeling wouldn't leave her.

He smirked and unwrapped it revealing a picture frame made of stainless steel that was decorated with rose petals and dew drops that were scattered over the petals. In it was a drawn portrait of a young woman and a man. He stared at the picture and she stared on his hands. He was shaking. In a weird way this filled her with a mixture of happiness and excitement.

"You kept this picture?" He asked overwhelmed. He couldn't believe it, she had kept this picture! For years he had been thinking about asking her after it but he had never found the courage to do so. He remembered the day when it had been drawn. They had been walking down to Fisherman's Warf after the seminar. Sara had offered him to show him around and he had gratefully accepted her offer. When they had been walking along the promenade a man had asked them if they'd like a drawn picture of themselves. He would draw one for ten dollars. Sara hadn't been thrilled by the idea but Grissom had been amused by the fact that the guy thought that they were romantically involved so he had convinced Sara to join in the game.

A soft smile flashed over her lips. "Yeah."

"And this frame..." He looked up at her. "...where did you find this frame?"

"I asked a friend from San Francisco to find out if the shop still existed. It did but she couldn't find the frame there, so I asked her to get me the telephone number of the shop owner. I called him described the frame and he told me that they only sell single copies. On that point I thought that I would never find it but three days later he called me back and told me that he had found it in their storage. So he sent it to me and...voi là."

"I can't believe that you remembered this. I mean that's more than ten years ago. We did not even walk into that shop."

She smiled softly at him. "I have a good memory."

He dragged her face close to his and after caressing her lips with his thumb their lips met again in a passionate kiss.

She felt his hands slowly slipping over her back and her waist and she could have sworn that if Gretchen wouldn't have been there he would have slid them under her shirt. He pressed her against the back of the sofa as her arms slipped around his neck.

Their lips didn't loosen from each other for a long time. Sara had expected a short kiss like the one before but this kiss was definitely everything else but short. And she just knew that he had lost control over himself, the facade of his denial was crumbling down even if it happened under the cover of this lie. She could see it. She could _feel_ it.

As he finally pulled away from her Sara could tell from the look in his eyes that he also knew it. She smiled softly. "I could really get used to this." She whispered softly and winked at him.

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TBC

thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it : )


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI : (

AN: I actually just wanted to write **"Blame Alex"** ...but I tend to overtalk so I just can't only write two words as AN. Thanks for betaing and pushing me into this direction **Alex**!; ) ...well still, blame Alex for this, I wanted to delete it after I had written the first half of it.

**Greets to Alex, Meggie and Rebecca : )**

warning: I know it's already OOC, but uhm...it's getting a little worse. But hey, that's where the fun is!

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chapter 12

"Oh my God! I can't believe this!" Sara cried out desperately, walking through the room without thinking about where she was walking, randomly changing her direction and speed. "I can't believe this! How can we ever get out of this? I can't believe this!"

Grissom, who had taken seat on the edge of the mattress, feeling just numb and not really aware of what his mother's gift meant for them in its whole dimension, left his seat again and walked over to Sara to calm her down. "Sara, it's just a gift, we don't have to..."

"We don't have to? Gil, your mother's gift for us is a three week honeymoon in Hawaii! _Honeymoon!_ How are we supposed to get out of this?"

He reached out for her upper arms and his hands slipped over the fawn velour of her track suit, his fingers entwined around the slender arms and his fingertips buried in her muscles.

Their eyes met and he dragged her closer to him, their bodies didn't touch but the tension was enough for her to set her heart into a racing mode.

"Sara, calm down! This is my problem and I will have to fix it. I will find a way to do so and if I shouldn't then I will have to tell my mother the truth. It won't kill me, it won't kill her." He spoke slowly but still demanding.

Sara took a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

"Nothing to feel sorry about. I just don't want you to worry...it's not you who is the liar here, I don't want you to worry. I'll tell her that none of this was your idea." His voice sounded softer now with traces of desperation and concern.

"You said it would break her heart." Sara said desperately.

Grissom looked at her for a while, neither of them spoke a word, the only sounds in the room were their breathing and their heartbeats.

Then the expression in his eyes changed and Sara knew which idea had just crossed his mind. "Never!"

"It was just an idea, I...we could think about it, I mean..."

"...you're on drugs, are you? Grissom, this is insane. Forget it. I am not going to fake a wedding...I am _not_ going to do that." She stepped away from him and sat down on the bed.

His eyes followed her and she felt that they did. "Don't look at me like this." She said softly.

"Why not?" he asked walking over to her.

"Because you're making me feel as if I'm doing something wrong when I do not agree to do this. But in fact you are the one who's doing the wrong thing and that's pissing me off because I feel responsible and get a bad conscience."

Grissom smirked and sat down next to her. "Okay, this was an idiotic idea."

"Idiotic is an understatement." She said slightly muttering. Grissom chuckled and that drove her insane. "That is not funny."

"Not?" He asked and winked at her.

One second later he felt a pillow crashing his face, he had seen it coming but hadn't been able to react before it had already hit his face and knocked him back on the mattress. Totally taken aback by this he lay on his back for a while, his breathing got faster but then calmed down again.

Sara couldn't believe that she had just knocked him down with a pillow. She didn't know whether to apologize or to simply ignore it or to just laugh because this was all so ridiculous.

She slowly turned her face to him, her eyes wandered over his body, his legs, his stomach, his chest, his strong shoulders...and suddenly the pillow hit her face.

She overbalanced and fell on her back, landing on Grissom's right arm. He chuckled and she broke out into laughter. She laughed so hard that her stomach hurt and she felt a muscle cramp coming up in her cheeks...

And then, all of a sudden, she felt his hand on her stomach, it slowly slipped under her shirt, petting her soft skin. She immediately stopped laughing. She felt her muscles shivering under his touch. She couldn't breath, her heart was beating hard in her chest and she could have sworn that even Gretchen was able to hear it. She wanted to calm down but how was she supposed to do so? She lay in his bed, next to him, her shoulders lay on his arm and his hand was under her shirt... his thumb made tiny circles around her belly button! How was she supposed to calm down?

It was not even noon and she had already been going through a roller coaster of feelings. The nervousness before giving him his gift, the overwhelming feelings that she had felt when she had gotten his gift for her from him, the feelings she had felt when he had kissed her which had been even more overwhelming, then the shock and panic after Gretchen had handed a gift certificate for their honeymoon to them. The confusion, the anger about Grissom's reaction then again she had almost been dying of laughter – and now this.

He had been shifting his weight on his right side and now laid with his face to her while he ran his hand over her waist. He seemed to be amused about the way her muscles contracted under his fingers, the soft smile never left his lips.

Their eyes met and showers of sensations ran through her body. She let out the breath that she'd been holding for too long. He smiled at her, his face coming closer. He stopped only half an inch before her lips while his hand made it's way up to the fabric of her bra.

Sara shifted her weight a little so that they lay closer together, her lips striped his for a second and just this was enough to let a wave of heat run through her body.

He was breathing heavily, deeply inhaling her scent. "Do you want this?" he whispered.

She nodded. Yes. Yes she wanted this, she had wanted this for six years, or even longer, since she had met him for the first time she had been wanting this, had been dreaming of this. "Do you?" She realized that her voice was shaking, she didn't really know why but she was scared that he would say no, would pull away, would break all the feelings that surrounded them at the moment.

"I've been sleeping next to you for two nights, always obliged to not touch you, to not even think of touching you, touching the woman that I wanted to touch for years..." He whispered into her ear. "...damn yes I want this Sara. I've already waited much too long." His leg slipped between hers and he pressed his body against her.

Their lips met and her whole body shivered, her heart was literally jumping, still she couldn't really believe this, it felt just unreal, so unreal that it was real. She moaned into his mouth, causing his passion to grew even more.

Then he sat up, dragging her with him. He slowly opened the zipper of her track suit jacket, his eyes never letting go of hers. His hands slipped over her bare shoulders, pulling the sleeves down her arms. He began to kiss her neck, his beard tickled on her skin causing her to chuckle softly.

He looked at her, a boyish smile on his lips, as her hands reached up to the buttons of his shirt his eyes followed them. He couldn't wait to feel her beautiful fingers on his skin.

She slowly unbuttoned his shirt, freeing him from the fabric but her hands were shaking so it took her a while. One of his hands had joined hers, now when she had taken off his shirt he placed her one hand on his chest. She could feel how fast and hard his heart was beating and more butterflies were awakened in her stomach.

With his right hand he reached out for her cheek, he dragged her face close to his and kissed her passionately. Her arms slipped around his neck and she pressed the upper part of her body close against his chest.

They sank back on the mattress, his hands were busy with the zipper of her pants. Sara was more than thankful that Gretchen had insisted in getting some rest before they'd go out to drink some coffee in a café outside the city. The fact that Gil Grissom hadn't been able to ask her out for dinner in six years but could make love to her while his mother slept only two rooms down the hallway made this all seem even more unreal, but oh, his touch felt more than real.

As their breathing slowly calmed down he pressed her closer against him. Her head rested on his shoulder while her arm laid on his chest, his left hand laid on her right one while his right arm was twined around her.

Neither of them had spoken a word for a long time, they had just listened to the other's breathing and heartbeat, had been following their own thoughts, drifting away in their own daydreams...

"I will tell her the truth." He said softly.

Sara leaned up, looking into his face. "What?"

"I will tell her the truth." He repeated. "I can't live this lie anymore."

Suddenly she felt a knot in her throat, she tried to swallow it but she couldn't. Had this all been just a lie? Nothing more than a lie and a little bit of loosing control?

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TBC

thanks for reading


	13. Chapter 13

disclaimer: I do not own CSI

AN: Thousand thanks to **Alex** for being the best beta reader in the world!

Only one more chap to go...enjoy: )

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chapter 13

She was gone. She had left him. He couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe that he had been stupid enough to let this go out of hand. Stupid enough to let her leave...to make her want to leave.

He knew what she thought, he knew he should have told her that she was wrong, he knew he should have showed her that the lie had ended a long time ago and that his feelings were real that he needed her, wanted her with him. He should have told her that the reason for his change in mind, that the reason why he wanted his mother to know the truth was that his feelings for her were real, that he really loved her and that he wanted his mother to know about his real, _true_ feelings for her.

But he had done neither of that. He had just told her that he wanted his mother to know the truth, that he wanted to tell his mother that they were not engaged, that they were not even involved, that he had just made up this lie because he hadn't felt comfortable with the thought of her thinking that he was gay. He told her that he just couldn't do it anymore, that it had been easy as long as his mother hadn't known her, as long as they hadn't met. Now they knew each other and Gretchen liked Sara so much, it would hurt him, he said, it would hurt him that his mother believed such a lie, that she was fooled by such a lie.

He had seen tears rising up in her eyes, had seen desperation and sadness and pain in them and he knew he should have taken her into his arms. He knew he should have held her close to him and should have told her that he loved her, that this lie would end but that the things that had been happening between them in these last days had been true. That the things that had so rapidly changed between them had changed forever and would never change again.

He knew now what had always been the reason for his denial. He knew that it had been the fear of being known by her, the fear that she would know him better than he knew himself...the fear to let her into his life, to let her be part of his life...

In less than three days she had become the most important part of his life. It was ridiculous somehow, he thought, ridiculous that it had taken him years to hold her hand and only half a day to make her a part of his life, two more to make her an essential part of himself.

That was just not him. He had never known he could change like that, could do something like this ...he had to admit that he had never really known himself until now.

He sat on the sofa not able to even think of entering the bedroom. There he had made love to Sara, had been with her, so close to her, closer than he ever thought he could and at the same time he had destroyed it all, had destroyed everything that had happened between them...

He stared down on the telephone in his hands. He had tried to reach her at her apartment, had tried to call her cell, had also tried to call her at the lab. She had never answered any of his calls. He'd been trying it for hours, had left uncountable messages on her answering machine, had desperately begged her to call him.

He figured what she was thinking if he'd be in her shoes he'd think the same. She probably thought that he was just calling to make her come back because he had changed his mind about telling his mother the truth...

Maybe it had been doomed to failure from the beginning on. How could he just think that they could live in a relationship that had been built up on a lie?

When Sara had furiously left the house he had been running after her, had followed her to her car, had tried to convince her to stay...his mistake had been that he hadn't used the right arguments. That he had tried to convince her with rationalism...and the heart doesn't think rational. It was her heart that he'd been breaking and nothing else.

When he'd entered the house again Gretchen had been standing in the hallway asking him what was up. He hadn't told her the truth. He had told her that Sara had been called in for work that they had needed either him or her to come to the lab and that she had offered to go. Another lie but it was easier than telling his mother the truth, the whole truth.

He had cancelled their plans for the afternoon, Gretchen hadn't been sad about it. She had been reading in one of her books, had flicked through the pages of some magazines and had called it a night early.

It was after 10 pm and still Sara didn't answer his calls. He wondered if he should drive to her apartment but he didn't know if she wanted him there. Suddenly he heard his mother's footsteps in the hallway again.

/Is Sara still at work /

He chewed on his bottom lip /Yeah, I don't know when she'll be back./

Gretchen nodded softly, walked over to the kitchen and returned with a pot of ice-cream and two spoons. Grissom smiled to himself recalling the ritual they had when he had been a child. When he hadn't been able to sleep his mother had always brought him ice cream, they had shared it and she had been telling him a tale or a story from her youth while they ate. At one point he had always been falling asleep, with the spoon in his mouth and a happy grin on his lips. That was what Gretchen always told him.

/Ice cream/ she offered and he gratefully accepted. /You two had an argument, right /

Grissom sighed. /Yeah./ He swallowed a big portion of ice cream and the cold ran through his body.

/She's not at work, is she /

/I don't know where she is. I tried to call her cell but she didn't answer it./

He actually didn't want to talk about it, he didn't want his mother to know about it at all but it was better to tell her some parts than to allow her mind to make up it's own speculations about what had happened.

Gretchen looked at him, her blue eyes were filled with sadness. /Try to find her./

/I don't know where to search for her Mom. She's not at the lab...I don't know where else she could be./

/You're almost married to her and you don't know her favorite places or where her closest friends live / She asked unbelieving.

He swallowed hard. He didn't know. How could he? He had been only interested in himself for the longest time of his life... He should have told his mother about their lie right then but he just couldn't. He thought about his options. He could go and find her, he could continue trying to call her although that was obviously in vein or he could just stay here and forget about her, something he knew he couldn't.

He left his seat, grabbed his keys and told his mother that he'd try to find her. He left his house, entered his car and started it, only to turn off the engine again three minutes later.

Where should he search for her? Her apartment would be a good place to start but wasn't it an too obvious place to hide? Or was it that obvious that it already wasn't obvious at all? What the hell was he thinking?

He started the engine of his Denali and headed to her apartment. Halfway there he was stopped by a traffic jam. He opened his cell phone and called her number again. This time he would talk until the damn answering machine would kick him out, he would pretend to know that she was sitting in front of it and was listening to every word he said.

"This is the answering machine of Sara Sidle, I am not at home at the moment, I bet you know what to do but for the ones who don't, just leave a message after the tone."

He waited for the tone, for about the one hundredth time today. Just from hearing the voice on her answering machine his heart began to beat faster. God, he missed her.  
"Sara, it's me again. Listen I know that you are there, I'm on my way to your apartment. We need to talk Sara. Please. Not about this goddamned favor, not about this charade that we played. We need to talk about us. Sara, I know I should have corrected my comments, I should have made clear that I was not including the happenings between the two of us into this lie. Sara, everything that happened between us was..."

And at that point the answering machine kicked him out. He dialled her number again, but before her could press the green button to start the call his cell vibrated in his hand.

On the display the words_ /Sara cell/_ blinked up. He answered her call with shaking hands. "Sara?"

"Yes." She almost whispered

"Sara where are you?" He knew he sounded more than worried but he didn't care.

"I'm knocking at your door like an idiot waiting for someone to let me in. Where are you?"

"On my way to your apartment."

She laughed without making sounds, but he knew that she was laughing. "Great."

"Sara I need to tell you something, but I can't do it on the phone. Please wait for me...I'll be there in twenty minutes. Don't leave again, please."

"Tell me something about what?"

He sighed. "Us."

"We are an 'Us' ?" She asked softly.

"I hope that we are." He confessed.

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TBC

thanks for reading! last chap should be up either on saturday or sunday : )


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI

AN: Last chapter :sobs: I loved writing this story and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did! Thousand thanks to all the readers and the reviewers who always encouraged me to continue!

Thousand thanks to** Alex** for beta reading!

Special thanks to **Alex **and **Meggie** for always being there to talk and encourage me! Also thanks to **SaraSidleGrissom**!

This chapter is dedicated to everyone who read and reviewed this story! Thank you very much!

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chapter 14

When he stopped his car in front of his house he saw Sara sitting on the steps, her elbows on her thighs, her head on her hands. She didn't move when he left the car and neither did when he walked over to her.

He slowly kneeled down in front of her, his hands reached out for hers and slowly covered them. She let them drop into her lap, the feeling of his hands on hers blew the last bits of anger away and filled her with butterflies. That annoyed her a little bit, she wanted to be angry, wanted him to know that she was angry. There had been so many things that she had wanted to tell him, so many things that she had wanted to say, she had wanted to tell him how much he had hurt her...

"I'm so sorry." He whispered, his hands softly squeezing hers.

She shivered softly not because she was cold but because of a wave of different feelings that ran through her, she couldn't really describe them... They were a weird mixture of anger and love, pain and happiness, disappointment and anticipation...

She said nothing. He had been the one who wanted to talk with her so she waited for him to talk. She didn't know what to say anyways, what should she say? Everything had been said before... If he wanted to clear the situation up then he needed to make the first step, the first steps, there needed to be done more than one, she would stay where she was... He was the one who needed to walk.

"Sara I didn't mean to hurt you. What I said...I... I want this lie to end but I don't want...I don't want to end it between the two of us. What happened between us was true, all the time. And when I said that I don't want to lie anymore I meant telling my mother the whole truth about us, about the last days... I want to tell her that _I_ made up this lie. That I tried to escape from an awkward discussion with her by telling her a lie, I want her to know that I asked you for the favor to help me, that you helped me because I didn't give you any choice..."

His thumb slowly ran over her fingers and their eyes met for a moment. She felt tears rising up in her eyes, she did her best to swallow them...

"...and that I fell in love with you, long long time ago..."

...she didn't succeed.

"...But that I never acted on my feelings, never even allowed these feelings to me because I was afraid to let you know too much about me. I want her to know that things are different now. That I know how to act on my feelings and that I love you..." He noticed the tears that ran down her face and his one hand left hers and reached for her cheek. He wiped them away with his thumb, slowly brushing it over her skin.

Now her whole body was shaking. She hadn't expected that. Not like this, not yet...

"...That I truly love you and that I... Sara, I don't want our love to be hidden by a lie."

He pulled her into his arms, holding her close to him. Her arms slipped around his neck, her right hand rested on the back of his head, burying itself into his hair.

He felt her breath on his skin and it sent showers of sensation down his body, his heart was literally jumping by the fact that she was back, in his arms. And by the fact that he had finally been able to tell her what he felt.

She sobbed harder, pressing her body closer against his chest. She couldn't control herself anymore, he loved her. He had told her that he loved her, he had said that he _truly_ loved her. She couldn't believe it. This was what she had been waiting for, she'd been waiting for five years, longer even, so much longer...

His hand slipped over her back, over her shoulder, reaching her cheek after brushing a strand of hair out of her face as he pulled away from her. "I know that I used exactly the wrong words and explanations when we were arguing. I am an idiot. I should learn to say what I feel and not what I think hides my feelings the best. I'm sorry my Angel... Can you forgive me, please?" He pleaded softly.

She smirked softly, still crying but she just couldn't help it. She nodded. "Yeah." For the first time she spoke and it felt so good to hear her voice again.

The need to hold her close again rose up in him and grew stronger and stronger with every second. He pulled her closer to him again, his lips softly touched her skin, then he started to kiss her tears away.

The feeling of his lips on her skin sent a wave of heat through her body. She reached up for his cheeks and dragged his lips to hers, meeting him in a passionate kiss. Their tongues massaged each other, danced around each other, teased each other...

She leaned back, leaned against the cold stairs, dragging him down with her. His hands supported his weight on the top steps while his lips traced down her neck.

Neither of them cared that they were lying on the steps in front of his house, it was dark anyways. Except for the light over his door nothing illuminated the closer area around them.

Neither of them noticed Gretchen who opened the door for a few inches and watched them for a minute until she stepped out into the light. The door shut behind her with an barely audible tone but Grissom heard it and looked up. As he spotted his mother he immediately let go off Sara, who realized that something was wrong and also turned to where Grissom was staring. _That _was embarrassing.

Sara was chewing on her bottom lip while Grissom helped her up on her feet. She knocked off the dust from her jeans with her hands, feeling how blood rushed into her cheeks... She had never before been caught while she was making out with someone, though she knew that for Grissom it was probably worse because it was _his_ mother.

/We were just.../ Grissom started but was interrupted by his mothers hasty gestures.

/You were making out on the stairs! What did you think.../

/...Mom, Mom we need to tell you something./ Now it was his turn to interrupt her.

Gretchen raised an eyebrow.

He took a deep breath, Sara reached for his hand and softly squeezed it before letting go off it again so that he could sign. /We better go in for that Mom./

/I'm not moving until you explain this to me./

He sighed and glanced at Sara, he saw that she was still chewing on her lip and he wondered if he should tell her to stop. But that wouldn't help at all, it would only piss her off and that was the last thing he wanted right now. /It's about me and Sara Mom, we really better go in./

Gretchen stayed hard-bitten, Grissom didn't want to tell her the truth here, not outside, not in passing, not like that...but he knew his mother. /We are not engaged./ he signed with shaking fingers.

Gretchen threw an asking look at him.

/We were not even involved when you came here. I'd really rather tell you this inside./

/Are you involved now/

Grissom looked at Sara who smiled supportively at him. /Yes./

/And you love her/

He nodded. /Yes. Yes I love her...we love each other./

/Where is the problem then/

Grissom raised an eyebrow and looked at Sara who threw an questioning look at him. "What did she say?" Sara asked whispering.

"She asked me where the problem is when we love each other..."

Sara glanced over to Gretchen, a bemused expression in her face. Gretchen simply smiled at her.

/Let's go in and just celebrate what's still left of Christmas. Who cares about since when you are involved...as long as you are now./ Gretchen signed smiling and went back into the house.

Grissom stared after her, unbelieving. Sara softly tugged on his arm. "What did she say?"

"That we should celebrate Christmas and not care about since when we are together, it wouldn't matter." He said as if he was in trance.

"I don't get that."

Grissom shrugged, then slowly slipped his arm around her back and guided her upstairs. "You know what I have been wondering about all the time?"

"What?"

"You said she was in my office when you met her..."

"...rummaging through your stuff." She said nodding.

"I locked my office when I left and only Catherine, whom my mother claimed to meet for the first time when we met her in the restaurant, had a key."

Sara's eyes widened. "No." she said shaking her head in disbelieve. "No..."

He opened the door and held it opened for her. "Yes." He said following her in.

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THE END

thanks for reading! I doubt that I will write a sequel but you never know...I kinda love Gretchen, maybe I'll let her return in a short story, don't know for sure yet. If you're intrested in reading more of my fan fics I'd recommend my new WIP "**The petals of a wild rose**" ; a trip through Grissom and Sara's history.


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